Posted 10:39 AM by Danielle
I am such a mucus factory. I hate it. I wish my mommy would come take care of me.

Posted 9:47 AM by Danielle
Home sick again. It sucks being home because I'm feeling achey and mucus-y, but not out of it enough to sleep. Blah.

Posted 1:57 PM by Danielle
Woke up this morning feeling achey and with a sore throat and swollen glands. Then I threw up. I had a low fever. Stayed home. Felt better after I threw up, but glad I decided to stay home because despite the Tylenol, I still feel achey. My shoulders ache, my back aches, my hips ache, my mouth is itchy. My mother diagnosed me with the flu. I don't know why. Hopefully this will be over by tomorrow. It's boring being home when you don't feel good. I watched The Omen III on DVD, then the first two episodes of Buffy on the new Season 1 DVD that came in the mail yesterday.

Passions will be on in a few minutes. Going to lie down and watch it in the b-room. We're out of toilet paper. What's a girl to do?

Posted 1:45 PM by Danielle
I bought a cheesy Valentine's day card for my dad at Hallmark.

Front
A father's love can be so deep and quiet, only the card can hear it.
Inside
Happy Valentine's Day to my father- who fills my life with the sweet dignity of his presence and speaks to my heart with the gentle strength of his spirit.

My mother is getting the less loving card.

Front
Mom, this is more than just a card to say Happy Valentine's Day...
Inside
It's also a long-distance hug! Love you Lots

I have warm fuzzy feelings about my father but not my mother, which is the reverse of how it used to be for the first 23 years of my life.

Eating yummy tomato basil soup from Central Market. Red to match my Valentine Card buying. Lowfat to match my need to shed a couple of winter pounds.

* * *

Had another dream last night co-starring Dao. The first was a few nights ago. She was a guest at my nightmare wedding. Last night she was a dinner/weekend guest. Why am I dreaming of a boss I haven't worked for in over a year?

Synopsis of the nightmare wedding
It was just the reception part, no ceremony. Josh was strangely absent. The guests were trying on shoes. Lots of people from my high school, many of the Asian bible study crew, who I had not invited. I tried announcing that people should not have brought guests if they were not invited. There were a large group of waiters who didn't want to do their jobs. Some had guns. All were thugs. [I really hope this is not an unconscious fear that just because our Southern/comfort style caterer will most likely have all black waiters.]

There was also a part where we were in a large dining room. People had just walked in and I was trying to explain how seating was arranged. Scott suggested that people sit wherever they wanted. I got mad and tried to calmly explain that there was a special set-up and if they disregarded it, everything would be messed up (per Norma the caterer's mention that if seating is not prescribed, people try to drag chairs to tables if there aren't enough set up, even if the table doesn't fit that many people).

The final part was the toast, in another room. My mother told me, completely nonchalantly, that my father had gone to take my aunt and uncle and boss B. [who is not even invited] home. As if that was a perfectly normal thing for a father to do at his daughter's wedding. I think I tried to make the toast myself.

* * *

My therapist thinks it's interesting that I don't bring up my dreams till the end of our sessions. I told her that I don't lend much credence to all that dream theory business. I definitely believe that I try to hash out my feelings and stress in my dreams. But I would rather talk about my conscious feelings and stress. What's dreamed is dreamed but I have problems and feelings I need to work out now. Will discussing Dao's guest starring roles help me get B. and D. to allow me to go to the Feb. 10-15 Unit class in Atlanta? Will telling my therapist about what my mother said at the toast help me deal with her lack of support throughout the months leading up to the wedding or afterwards? I don't know. Maybe I should talk more openly about my dreams. But I only have 45 minutes a week.

* * *

Finished my soup. Yum. Lunch is over.

Posted 10:24 AM by Danielle
I just got back from the podiatrist who fixed my toe. He just needed to clip the nail (it WAS ingrown). It kind of hurt a lot when he was doing it but then again, it hurt to just touch the damned thing. I started feeling light headed so he put the chair back but I guess I fainted anyway. It was a strange feeling, I just remember things feeling fuzzy and then clearer. I love my podiatrist. He's so cute. His name is Rocco and he's the studliest DPM I've ever met.

Back at work now. Limping but feeling better.

Treated myself to a pain au chocolat and coffee at Pain Quotidien.

* * *

It has occurred to me that keeping a semi-public blog and having a close friend who keeps a public blog makes for simplified conversation. Instead of having to catch Scott up on my activities, he reads my blog and sends me an email: "Don't give Josh the URL for my blog!" or references it in a phone call, "So how's your brother's shoulder doing?" It may well be that this blog serves as means of communication between Scott and I as well as an outlet for internal expression.

I am thinking about giving my therapist the URL for this. There are certain things I don't feel comfortable verbally expressing, and also lazy about verbalizing (such as my bizarre dreams) so this could be a supplement to our sessions, just in case she has spare time she wants to devote to me, pro-bono or something. That would be crazy- if I paid her for extra sessions to read my blog.

By the way, I hate the word blog. It sounds so stupid but what else do you call it? In high school, I kept a diary but detested the word diary so I called it my "un-diary"- such an adolescent thing to do, I know. Should I call this the un-blog?

Blournal? Bliary?

I would like to use the prefix meta somehow. Metablog? Like metabolize.

Meta + diary = metary [stupid] or metiary [sounhds weird]. Meta + journal = metarnal [sounds like a bone, like metatarsal]

Anyway, back to work. I like the idea of spending half an hour on this every morning at work, but look at the time- it's 10:30 already and I've got loads to do.

Posted 11:43 AM by Danielle
According to this stupid Colorgenics thing, here is a description of my personality based on the colored cubes I selected in a random order.

You are tending to pursue your objectives with concentrated intensity and it would seem that whatever obstacles may come into your path - you will stick to your guns and will not allow yourself to be deflected from your purpose. You are striving to achieve recognition and what is more - you deserve it

You are willing to try anything once. You "need to be needed" and what is perhaps more important .. you "need to need." You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them ... but this trust needs to be proven to you..

Many people will consider you egotistical and full of your own self importance. On the surface you could well give this impression ... and perhaps the reason for this complacent attitude is because at times you indeed have that "short fuse" and quick to take offence.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way .. and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

Posted 11:14 AM by Danielle
Also learned this morning that Eugene is also a SXSW-nominated guy, for Comedy. It's a really cute site.

Posted 11:04 AM by Danielle
I am ordering sympathy flowers for the second time in a week. The brother-in-law of one of the trainers in my department passed away this weekend. Funeral flowers are weird. They're big, tacky and showy. $100 gets you a big cheesy spray of carnations. The first time my boss asked me to send flowers for a funeral, I sent a small but full bowl of very pretty roses. B. later told me that people send big, showy baskets or stands, but that our department had definitely sent the prettiest flowers.

Posted 9:53 AM by Danielle
Yesterday was beautiful. Would have been even better if my goddamn toe didn't hurt so much. We took the V train two stops to Steinway and explored Astoria. Surprisingly, not all of Astoria is "Little Greece." More like Washington Heights. Very much on the DL as Josh said. We took some awful passport photos and tried to find a good Greek restaurant. We ended up eating really disappointing souvlaki pita at Opa! Opa! (should be called, "Nope-a! Nope-a!") and yummy dessert at a cool Greek cafe called Athens Cafe (what else?). It was like being in a European bar: lots of young people, smoking, speaking in languages other than English. We had a funny waitress- she expected us to know what we wanted even though she didn't give us menus (other people got menus) and then impatient when we asked about the different drinks, ie. what Greek coffee was, the difference between a frappe and a frappe float.

My big toe hurts so goddamn much. I don't know what I was thinking. I was "working" on my toe, trying to "fix" it by pulling out some dead skin from below my nail. Now it feels like a really bad in-grown nail. I'm not quite limping but I will be soon.

Posted 8:05 AM by Danielle
Just learned when logging on to Blogger that my ex-boyfriend has a SXSW nominated Blogger Site (category: Personal/Online Diary). Don't know how this makes me feel. His photos are really good and stuff and he HAS been doing this web stuff for an awful long time, as long as me, but more mofessionally. It definitely feels like a smaller world, logging on first thing in the morning, and learning that my ex-boyfriend from across the country in also part of this secret blogging life of mine.

I like having secrets but this one is kind of hard to keep. The other day I was telling Josh about Scott's date with a new dude. He asked how they met. I tried "Online" but he wanted details. Finally, I had to succumb. I said, as if talking to my father or some other non-web literate person, "Well, Scott has this online diary thing called a blog" and Josh had actually heard of blogs. Then he wanted the see the site but I clammed up because I knew that if he read far enough into Scott's blog, he would find a reference to my blog and then my secret would be uncovered.

Still it's kind of dangerous to be sitting here writing this, just six feet away from him reading the newspaper. It's not a bad secret. I could always tell him that I have one for dream-keeping purposes (which is what I logged on this morning to do).

Anyway, my dream will have to be told when I get to work.